Really? Who is actually prepared to make drastic changes to their lives every 1st of January? Some of us think of it - and make humongous lists (finger pointed straight at myself here) - but when the time comes to get down to business, a chasm of indecision sits before you. For one, who likes to sit there and ponder "Where am I screwed up the most in my life?" That's always a topic of positive thinking. Then, if you are like me you know just how screwed up you are and it is so overwhelming because you have no idea where to start. I can't begin to tell you how many of my prayers have included in them..."Where do I start, Lord?" I am sure that if I could only put them in proper order, resolving and doing would go so much more smoothly. However, that little trick is still out of my reach.
There are people out there who think I'm perfect. I have a real hard time believing that one, unless they are blind and don't notice the elephantine steps of Garantua Woman passing by (Though, honestly, my little girl clops around the house like a tap-dancing mammoth, so I ought to re-evaluate that in myself. Maybe I'm not graceful. Decidedly, I'm not.). Of course I should consider that some people's ideas of perfection may differ greatly from mine. My ideas of perfection include being a few sizes smaller and developing a wider taste for all things vegetable whilst eschewing processed, sugary, floury things. Others probably are coveting my cookie-and-bread-making abilities. By the way, I think skinny hosts of food shows are hypocrites and heretics. At least with Paula Deen, you knew her curves correlated with her cooking.
Okay, so we know the lose weight/get healthy thing is on my list, somewhere. It's as daunting as the others...and as slippery. Because you know, the first time I'm really hungry or something so scrumptious as to be irresistible comes around, out the window that resolution flies! But I actually have a small strategy in place: my chiropractor is hosting a class & support program for weight loss and I'm going to the introductory class this month. If it's free (or very cheap) and will help, I figure I might have a better shot.
Other things...prayer and pondering. I don't know what it is about getting up in the morning, but my brain just doesn't kick-start without a shower and something in my tummy, and thus morning prayers don't occur to me. Until bedtime. And that is another guilt-tripper, because I am usually so tired by bedtime (because I stay up too late - another thing on my NY list) that prayers aren't very thought-filled. Now, so you aren't too scandalized, I do "think" prayers during the day as things come along. But big heart-to-hearts are rare and, considering how satisfying they are, it's sad.
Then comes the pondering. By nature, I am a thinker, an over-thinker many times if we want to be truthful (and we do). But serious pondering, which I think is the main key in a good spiritual relationship with God, that needs work. When it comes to wondering which goals to start with, I'm pretty certain that prayer and pondering should be at the top, because after that, things would probably fall into place.
I bet you are wondering how many things are actually on my list. The over-thinker will not disappoint you - about 63. Way too many! This is not completely my fault, I downloaded a book about organization that had 12 categories and you were supposed to write goals down for each category and of course I had several per. Afterwards I figured it was pretty nutty and self-defeating. There are things on there I know need to be done - they can go on a guilt-tripping to-do list (To-do lists haunt me like ghosts). I've narrowed things down to the final three "biggies." Tell me if you agree or would suggest something (if you don't think I'm perfect, "wink"):
Prayer & Pondering. Learn about better praying and better pondering from the scriptures and conference talks. Make a big sign with red letters in the bathroom reading MORNING PRAYER!!!! (Hey, it might work). Make a special time for prayer, study & pondering (I was thinking of changing my bedtime novel reading to this).
Healthy Me. I feel like I've already started somewhat when I started going to the chiropractor in August. I've made some changes but think I'm ready for more. First, I'll start off going to that class and see what they recommend. Then I will flesh out my plan (and not me) from there!
WRITE! Obviously, this little blog is a ploy to get this resolution going. I need to be a more consistent journal-er, and I do want to do some more creative writing (at least my daughter likes my stories!) and then...I promised my sister Wendy that I would set up a blog about going to Oklahoma (which we haven't yet, but that's all part of the story!). I'm calling it "CA Exodus...OK or Bust." I think when we actually get there (it will happen, it will!), I will change it to "California Okie," just because I think it sounds funny. It's a shameless plug, but if you want to read it, I'll give you the address for it. It'll mainly be for family and friends who want to keep in touch. I'll endeavor (because I'm not very good at it and it is not on my resolution list) to post pictures. I haven't been a very faithful blogger, which is a shame, because of all things, I think I could be.
Will I be faithful? That's the downer that hits us several weeks into each New Year and haunts us every 31st of December. Still, as one of our AP's said on my mission, "A goal not written down is just a dream." I dream a lot. And New Year's gives me (and others) a chance to more than dream, but do. It's better to start then never to try and by telling others (like you), you have people to support and be responsible to. That's some movitivation.
So...I hate resolutions, I don't look forward to each New Year's for them, but I recognize their value. To be honest, I think the NY thing is not as effective as my weekly life-review when I take the sacrament, because then I am focusing on the things I think God thinks is most important to change in myself. It's never "I don't need changing" but "where" or "how." Hopefully 2013 becomes a year of listening for the Divine and having the courage to make the changes that will take us where He wants us to go - which are always better places!
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